navigating the social and legal landscape for gay individuals in jeddah, saudi arabia, presents a unique set of challenges and nuances. while the kingdom officially adheres to strict interpretations of islamic law, which criminalizes same-sex relations, the reality on the ground is often more complex, marked by a blend of strict enforcement and a degree of tacit acceptance for certain behaviors conducted privately.
this exploration delves into the experiences of gay men in jeddah, examining societal attitudes, personal struggles, and the covert ways in which a community exists despite significant obstacles.
personal narratives of secrecy and survival
the stories emerging from jeddah paint a vivid picture of lives lived in the shadows.
one account details an individual named talal who, after a perceived transgression, was confined by his family until he disavowed any attraction to men. his subsequent move to riyadh was an attempt to escape familial expectations, highlighting the immense pressure many face to conform to societal norms.
another individual, marcos, a philippine national, faced imprisonment and lashes for attending a party that included a drag show, followed by deportation.
his decision to return to saudi arabia underscores the complex factors, such as economic opportunity and social connections, that can outweigh the risks involved.
the digital realm offers a lifeline for many. platforms like paltalk, described as similar to other online meeting sites, have become crucial for forming connections.
the narrative of mifsir, who met his boyfriend of three and a half years online, illustrates how technology facilitates relationships in a society where public acknowledgment is impossible. the online chat logs reveal the guarded conversations and the constant need for pretense, where individuals might lie about their preferences or family reactions, fearing devastating consequences.
the struggle for authenticity
the conversation logs also expose the internal conflict many experience.
questions like "do you tell people you like women?" and the fearful response, "ohhhhhhhhhhhhh i think i will kill myselif," reveal the profound anxiety surrounding authenticity. the individual who kept his sexual preference secret from his wife of five years exemplifies the dual lives many are forced to lead.
even attempts to meet in person, like the arranged meeting at a jeddah starbucks, are fraught with caution, involving family sections, screens of plants, and the ever-present mall guard, underscoring the constant surveillance and the need for discreet interactions.
anajedtop, during an interview, initially used a male interpreter as a shield, a "weak cover story" that dissolved as the conversation deepened.
his claim to prefer women, while admitting few women frequented the online space, highlights the performative aspect of identity required for survival. this constant need to project a socially acceptable facade is a hallmark of the experience for many in jeddah.
societal perceptions and historical context
the concept of "gay" within jeddah's social fabric is often viewed as being "against the norm." however, the traditional understanding of sexual roles, particularly the distinction between "top" and "bottom," offers a different perspective.
murray's research in "islamic homosexualities: culture, history, and literature" suggests that while same-sex acts might have been stigmatized for the passive partner ("bottom"), the identity itself was not as rigidly defined as in some Western contexts. the notion that a "bottom" could transition out of that role with age aligns with a historical tendency within some muslim traditions to accommodate sexual impulses without necessarily validating a fixed homosexual identity.
abubaker bagader, a human-rights activist, views homosexuality as a potential "phase," a perspective that allows for a less rigid categorization.
yasmin, a student, shared observations about her younger brother and his peers being targeted by older men, illustrating the vulnerability of younger individuals within the social hierarchy. the description of boys being objectified, with approving comments made as they pass, points to a societal undercurrent where same-sex attraction can manifest in predatory behavior, particularly within environments where gender segregation is enforced.
the paradox of prohibition and practice
a central paradox in saudi society lies in the coexistence of strict religious proscriptions against sodomy and a lived reality where same-sex encounters occur.
the reference to "the people of lot" signifies the religious condemnation of homosexual acts. yet, despite this, many saudi men interviewed, even those identifying as gay, consider sodomy a grave sin. the adherence to religious practices, like yasser's abstinence from sex during ramadan, is a shared sentiment, with fewer gay gatherings during the holy month.
the saying, "if you practice something forbidden and keep it quiet, god might forgive you," encapsulates the prevailing attitude toward transgressions performed in private.
the legal framework surrounding sexual acts is complex. while illicit sex between a man and a woman has clearly defined rules, the Koran offers less direct guidance on sodomy.
many islamic scholars equate it with zina (unlawful sexual intercourse), determining punishments accordingly. historical interpretations of key verses have shifted, with earlier centuries often viewing them as pertaining to zina, while the 20th century saw a greater emphasis on them proscribing homosexual behavior.
professor rowson suggests a fundamental shift in middle eastern attitudes toward homosexuality around this time, moving from a general understanding of same-sex desire as a natural inclination, albeit with societal taboos, to a more pronounced aversion, influenced in part by western media.
religious interpretations and legal implications
the influence of figures like abd al-wahhab is considered, noting his relatively tolerant tone towards effeminate men at wedding banquets, provided they controlled their urges.
this suggests a historical precedent for allowing individuals to manage their inclinations without public censure. however, the potential for stricter interpretations to justify severe punishments, such as executions, remains. judges may actively avoid definitive findings of sodomy to prevent scrutiny, particularly concerning members of the royal family.
the mandate of the committee on the promotion of virtue and prevention of vice is to regulate public behavior, leaving private matters "between a believer and god." this distinction, while seemingly allowing for privacy, is constantly tested.
the parallel between forbidden practices and their prevalence - forbidden cinemas versus pirated dvds, illegal drinking at parties, and restrictive clothing for women alongside flourishing pornography - illustrates a broader societal pattern of circumvention and private indulgence.
adaptation and defiance
gay men in jeddah adapt by creating private spaces for expression, stating, "i can be flamboyant in my house, but not outside." this duality is seen by many saudis as a "reasonable accommodation." the vulnerability of expatriates, particularly filipinos with less cultural grounding in navigating such dual lives, is also noted.
jamie's story of being detained by a mutawwa (religious police) for his long hair, an act perceived as effeminate, highlights the arbitrary nature of some enforcement. despite producing a work permit, he was subjected to interrogation and a humiliating test of his "manliness" by being asked to walk.
his release, facilitated by his employer, underscores the influence of economic and social networks in mitigating the impact of the authorities.
jamie's account, filled with laughter despite the stakes, reveals a certain farcical element in the attempts to suppress homosexuality, a sentiment echoed by the observation that few people outside the mutawwa'in take the process entirely seriously.
the aftermath of such encounters, with filipinos arguing about appearances even after detention, suggests a resilience and a continued focus on social interaction, however precarious.
community resilience and the future
marcos's return to jeddah, unphased by prior punishment and deportation, signifies a deep-seated commitment to his life and work, even under the name he used previously.
the ongoing threat of crackdowns, similar to busts in riyadh, continues to shape the community. following arrests, organizers scale back to more intimate gatherings and implement stricter guest list monitoring, a direct response to the heightened risk.
the concept of the "closet" is not a choice but a "rule of survival." acknowledging homosexuality as an identity, rather than a mutable behavior, is seen as contradicting islamic teachings by some.
the official stance of denial coupled with tacit acceptance, proponents argue, leaves space for change, allowing for the possibility that individuals might "abandon their sinful ways." this perspective, however, can be seen as a mechanism to maintain social order and religious orthodoxy while acknowledging the existence of the behavior.
a parable about two men, one devout and one who engages in worldly pleasures, illustrates a moral lesson about divine judgment and the consequences of one's choices.
the story implies that actions, whether pious or transgressive, have repercussions in the afterlife. however, the increasing influx of western media, and with it, western conceptions of sexual identity, is beginning to blur the distinction between sexual behavior and sexual identity within the kingdom.
evolving identities and social pressures
yasser, who considers himself gay, remains open to the possibility of future attraction to women, reflecting a fluidity that challenges rigid identity categories.
zahar, at 41, has masterfully avoided marriage, employing elaborate strategies like a fake girlfriend and a broken engagement to a cousin. his fear of devastating his family and himself if his homosexuality were revealed highlights the immense familial and social pressures.
the expectation for zahar to maintain a public persona at odds with his private life is, in many ways, mirroring the expectations placed on his heterosexual peers who also navigate societal expectations regarding marriage and public behavior.
the advice, "get your rights without being too loud," encapsulates the strategy of quiet persistence.
the idea of being "gay" as an identity, distinct from acting on urges, carries a deeper societal shame. stories of locals warning expatriates to remain silent emphasize the ingrained cultural norms. the discussion then shifts to broader societal observations, with users on online forums debating the effectiveness and justification of laws, and the nature of societal control.
the point is raised that authoritarian societies, especially those with rigid gender roles, may paradoxically foster more same-sex encounters due to the separation and inequality between genders.
further commentary touches upon the perpetuation of abuse, where the act of sodomy could be seen as making a boy the "property of the culprit," leading to a cycle where victims might become perpetrators.
the perspective that saudi arabia remains an "undiscovered gem" for first-time visitors is offered, alongside personal recommendations for experiencing the country's hospitality, the natural beauty of the red sea, and the rich history and culture of jeddah. the evolution of women's rights and their increasing influence in the community is highlighted as a significant and positive development within the kingdom.